Learning Patience

July 26, 2026 / reverendjoannwhite / Leave a comment

Sabbath Day Thoughts — “Learning Patience” Genesis 29:15-28

We live in an increasingly impatient world. Researchers have found that we’ll wait four seconds for a website to load before irritation sets in. By ten seconds, we are clicking our way to the next site. 96% of Americans admit to knowingly consuming hot food or drinks that burn their mouths rather than waiting for things to cool down. When it comes to phone calls, we are willing to be on hold for one minute (or less) before we hang up. We’ve been trained to expect instant everything. Our favorite streaming services roll from one episode right into another. We sigh with impatience when the self-check-out lanes are full at the grocery and we have to deal with the human checker. We like those one-tap purchases and emailed receipts.

Impatience doesn’t feel good. We may feel irritation that blossoms into frustration and even anger. We may feel restless and anxious, worrying about what is next and fearing that we are losing control. Our heart rate, respiration, and perspiration increase. Our blood pressure rises and stomach acid churns. Time changes when we are impatient. Behavioral scientists note that our brains don’t track waiting time like a stopwatch. When we are impatient, the brain stretches seconds into what feels like minutes. We may even act impulsively to absorb our discomfort. That’s why those clever marketers put the candy and cooking magazines at the check-out counter.

Jacob was impatient. Even before he was born, God promised that Jacob would be heir to the covenant, but Jacob wanted all the blessing and he wanted it now. As we’ve heard in past weeks, he duped his brother out of his birthright and deceived his blind father into granting him the patriarch’s blessing. Running for his life from the murderous anger of older twin Esau, Jacob encountered God in a midnight vision of a heavenly ladder and the promise of a blessed future was renewed. Children, wealth land, would all come to Jacob in God’s time. But Jacob didn’t want to wait.

When Jacob arrived at the sanctuary of his Uncle Laban’s camp, he saw his young kinswoman Rachel and decided that she had to be his. He could imagine it all: his return to Canaan with his beautiful bride, the many children who were sure to come, his flocks and influence growing, year after year, in the land that God had promised. There were a couple of problems with Jacob’s eager assumptions. First, although he was kin, Jacob was a penniless nomad who had arrived in Laban’s camp with little more than the shirt on his back and the sandals on his feet. Laban remembered years before when Abraham’s servant had shown up loaded with gold and in search of a bride for Jacob’s father Isaac. Jacob couldn’t pay a bride price and he clearly was not in right relationship with his father who should have been making any wedding arrangements. And then there was longstanding tradition when it came to daughters. The elder wed before the younger. Anything less was an insult to both daughters and family. The wily Laban traded on Jacob’s impatience. In lesser families, a poor neighbor might serve a period of indentured service for a year or two in exchange for marriage. But the impatient Jacob made a rash decision. He committed to serving his future father-in-law for seven years, working with Laban’s flocks in exchange for a bride.

Impatience can change the choices we make. Biologically, our impatience triggers a tug of war within our brains. The pre-frontal cortex, that rational part of our brain, must contend with our limbic system which is all about getting a quick hit of dopamine. When the impulsive, reward-driven part of our brain wins, patience loses. If we are already stressed by busyness, fatigue, or hunger, we are even more likely to make poor decisions and take impulsive shortcuts. Jacob, far from home, trying to fit into a new family, and grabby for all the blessing he could get, was destined to make a bad deal with Laban.

Jacob’s impatience with God didn’t serve him well in the short-term or the long-term. He fulfilled his seven-year indenture, but it didn’t seem to improve his patience. Did you hear what he said to his future father-in-law? I did my time; give me my wife! Maybe that’s why Laban felt justified in tricking Jacob on his wedding night, using what was likely a mixture of alcohol, darkness, and silence to pull the old switcheroo. As tradition demanded, the older daughter Leah was wed before the younger daughter Rachel. Then, Laban exploited Jacob’s impatience and rashness even further, signing him up for another seven-year indenture. Jacob’s initial impatience would launch a lifetime of bitter competition between the sisters who would even drag their slaves Zilpah and Bilhah into a baby-making race that would yield thirteen children in thirteen years.

Oh Jacob, we look at you as an example story about the dangers of impatience and the reluctance to trust in the presence and goodness of God. But we know where you are coming from. We are an impatient people. We are impatient in the workplace. We get angry and rashly quit a job before we find another one. We cut ethical corners or take bad risks for the big payout rather than making slow and steady gains. We are impatient with family and friends. We tend to disconnect and drop out of relationships when the emotional work gets tough. We feel frustrated and critical when our kids don’t measure up to our expectations. We are impatient with ourselves. We expect immediate healing when we have an injury or illness. We feel the impulsive pressure to keep up with the Joneses and spend more than we should. We feel impatient with God. We want the blessing and we want it now. We shake our fist at the heavens when our dreams don’t pan out. Maybe we are not so unlike Jacob after all.

Researchers say that we can boost our ability to be patient. Patience is like a muscle that grows when exercised and flexed. Most essential in building patience is gratitude. Researchers at Northeastern University College of Science have found that simple gratitude exercises, like making time daily to notice the goodness in our lives or keeping a gratitude journal, boosts patience and self-control. When we see the good things in our jobs or families, friendships or life of faith, we value them and are willing to invest our energy and effort in being patient.

Another important tool for building patience is mindfulness. Being present in the moment by noticing to our breath, attending to beauty, or centering ourselves in prayer can reframe our experience and dissipate the frustration and annoyance of impatience. We can “use the wait” to grow in patience by shifting our focus to breath, beauty, or prayer, whether we are standing in line, waiting for problems to resolve on the job, or enduring a rough patch in a marriage.

It is also good to remember that we are less likely to spiral into impatience and rash actions when we take care of ourselves. Getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, having meaningful connections in the community, and spending time in nature have been proven to curb our impatience. All those essential acts of self-care are not only good for us physically; they are good for us emotionally and reap benefits when we are faced with those situations most likely to make us spiral into impatience.

Finally, did you know that you can cultivate patience? It’s true. The more we intentionally practice patience, the more patient we become. This takes time and effort. Try using an affirmation like, “This is temporary and I can tolerate it.” Try waiting 15 minutes before checking your phone. Let the line you are standing in move without switching lanes. Count to ten and take a deep breath before leaning on your horn when those tourists bring traffic to a screeching halt at the T-intersection by NBT Bank. In your daily prayers, ask God to nurture within you the gift of patience. Flexing our patience muscle daily can rewire our brains.

Jacob would eventually reap the blessing that God had promised. First came the children, then the livestock, and eventually a return to the Promised Land. I’d like to think that somewhere along the way, he found the patience that he so lacked as a younger man. He watched his children being born and felt gratitude for the miracle of life. He used those long hours while watching Laban’s flocks to be mindful of the beauty of sun and shadow on the landscape and the presence of God in the ordinary. He was well cared for by those two wives and two concubines and stopped being so anxious and impatient. He learned to count to ten before yelling at the kids. He breathed into the moment and thanked God for the slow unfolding of goodness in God’s time and in God’s way.

We may live in an increasingly impatient world, but we can choose to be different. May it be so.

Resources

Eric Solomon. “The Death of Patience” in Psychology Today, January 16, 2025. Accessed online at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/story-over-spreadsheet/202501/the-death-of-patience?msockid=02b77a0d2ad563c12b2668682bd2625c.

Editorial Team. “Impatience Psychology: Unraveling the Roots of Restlessness” in NeuroLaunch, September 14, 2024. Accessed online at https://neurolaunch.com/psychology-behind-impatience/

Northeastern University College of Science. “Can gratitude reduce cost impatience?” in Science Daily, March 31, 2014. Accessed online at https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/03/140331100236.htm

Robert E. Puff. “Patience Is a Virtue” in Psychology Today, March 1, 2024. Accessed online at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meditation-for-modern-life/202403/patience-is-a-virtue?msockid=02b77a0d2ad563c12b2668682bd2625c

Sarah M. Koenig. “Commentary on Genesis 29:15-28” in Preaching This Week, July 26, 2026. Accessed online at https://www.workingpreacher.org/commentaries/revised-common-lectionary/ordinary-17/commentary-on-genesis-2915-28-7

Valerie Bridgeman. “Commentary on Genesis 29:15-28” in Preaching This Week, July 30, 2023. Accessed online at https://www.workingpreacher.org/commentaries/revised-common-lectionary/ordinary-17/commentary-on-genesis-2915-28-6

Wil Gafney. “Commentary on Genesis 29:15-28” in Preaching This Week, July 24, 2011. Accessed online at https://www.workingpreacher.org/commentaries/revised-common-lectionary/ordinary-17/commentary-on-genesis-2915-28-2

Genesis 29:15-28

¹⁵Then Laban said to Jacob, “Because you are my kinsman, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me, what shall your wages be?” ¹⁶Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. ¹⁷Leah’s eyes were weak, but Rachel was graceful and beautiful. ¹⁸Jacob loved Rachel, so he said, “I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.” ¹⁹Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to any other man; stay with me.” ²⁰So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her.

²¹Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife that I may go in to her, for my time is completed.” ²²So Laban gathered together all the people of the place and made a feast. ²³But in the evening he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and he went in to her. ²⁴(Laban gave his maid Zilpah to his daughter Leah to be her maid.) ²⁵When morning came, it was Leah! And Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? Did I not serve with you for Rachel? Why then have you deceived me?” ²⁶Laban said, “This is not done in our country—giving the younger before the firstborn. ²⁷Complete the week of this one, and we will give you the other also in return for serving me another seven years.” ²⁸Jacob did so and completed her week; then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel as a wife.

Sibling Rivalry

July 12, 2026 / reverendjoannwhite / Leave a comment

Sabbath Day Thoughts — “Sibling Rivalry” Genesis 25:19-34

Sibling rivalry is a form of competition among brothers and sisters. It’s normal and healthy, as long as it doesn’t become destructive to the children involved or their families. Unless we are only children, we all experience it. The newborn infant comes home from the hospital and the older child wants to send him back. Siblings bicker over who gets to sit up front in the car and who has to ride in back. Sisters vie over favorite toys, clothes, or friends. Brothers and sisters compete for top grades, best athletic achievements, greatest popularity, and most awards at graduation. Does any of this sound familiar?

When sibling rivalry is healthy, it can be helpful. As children navigate their relationship with a sibling, they develop social skills that are needed in life. We learn to communicate with one another. We learn to negotiate for what we want and need. That involves compromise, working it out by giving a little and getting a little. It also demands that we learn to share. Communicating, negotiating, compromising, and sharing, mastering those abilities serves us well across our lifespan.

Social scientists tell us that, at its heart, sibling rivalry is the competition for the love, affection, or attention of one or both parents. When a parent consistently favors one child over another, it fans the flames of sibling rivalry and may drive it in an unhealthy direction. Over half of adults report continued competition with their siblings far into adulthood. Even when healthier bonds are formed, rivalry can reappear later in life, especially when making decisions about aging parents. Does any of this sound familiar?

Our reading from Genesis considers the rivalry between twin brothers Jacob and Esau. Last week, we learned of the promising marriage between Isaac and Rebekah, but twenty years passed without children to bless the union and continue the covenant with God. When Isaac’s prayers were answered and Rebekah’s womb was opened, she wondered if she would survive her pregnancy as the brothers struggled violently within her. We listened in as God reassured the despairing Rebekah that God’s plan was unfolding within her: two nations would be born, each longing to best the other with the younger ultimately rising to ascendancy.

From the start, the brothers were very different. Esau was born first, big, hairy, and red. He would be named accordingly. Esau means hairy, and his nickname Edom means red. Jacob came next, hairless and grabby, reaching out to grasp his brother’s heel, and he would be named accordingly, too. Ya’aqov means the grabber, the supplanter, the heel, the trickster. Esau was a man of the great outdoors, a hunter. Jacob was a man of the camp, a shepherd. The sibling rivalry that started in Rebekah’s womb was inflamed over the course of childhood as each parent preferentially favored one boy. Isaac doted upon Esau. Rebekah adored Jacob.

This rivalry was further incited by what was at stake for the two boys. Even though they were twins, Esau had a preferential birthright. He was entitled to the bekora, that’s Hebrew for the inheritance of the firstborn, a two thirds share of the inheritance of the family’s wealth. Jacob would only receive one third. Esau would also follow his father as the patriarch of the family, with greater social responsibility and standing. Esau was further entitled to the baraka, that’s Hebrew for blessing—the blessing of the patriarch would be conferred by Isaac to Esau, including the covenant with God.

Jacob wanted what Esau had. First, he exploited his brother’s hunger after a failed hunting trip. A tasty bowl of lentil stew passed as a suitable exchange for the bekora, the birthright. Later, as Father Isaac aged and lost his vision, his preferential love for Esau continued, so Jacob, with the help of his mother, conspired to also steal the baraka. Disguising himself as his hairy twin and tempting his blind father with a savory meat stew, Jacob received the patriarch’s blessing and the generational passing of the covenant. When news of the trickery came to light, Isaac grieved, Esau exploded into murderous rage, and Jacob ran for his life.

Sibling rivalry is a repeated theme of scripture. Firstborn Cain slew his younger brother Abel in a fit of jealousy. Jacob, who was preferentially loved by his mother, would do the same with his boy Joseph, setting up a bitter rivalry among his sons. Generations later, when Israel needed a king, the older sons of Jesse were passed over for younger brother David, whom they saw as a bratty little bragger. Even Jesus had to contend with sibling rivalry among his followers, including two sets of brothers. They sparred repeatedly over who was the greatest, like brothers James and John wrangling with one another over a preferential seat in the coming Kingdom of God.

As only Jesus could, he used the rivalry of his followers to teach a lesson about discipleship. In response to the question of who was the greatest, Jesus placed a child as a role model in the midst of his friends—this was greatness: humility, vulnerability, and obedience. In response to Jame’s and John’s rivalry over preferred status in the Kingdom, Jesus taught his friends that if we wish to be master of all, we must be servant of all. Greatness was found in following him in the way of self-giving, self-sacrificial love.

That wise and wily Jesus! He knew a thing or two about human development. To be a disciple, the childhood spirit of rivalry and our longing to be best-loved must be transformed. Instead of selfish interest, disciples must pursue other-interest. The skills we acquire in the natural course of our sibling rivalries, like communicating, negotiating, compromising, and sharing, aren’t meant to serve only ourselves. Those skills are meant to serve God and the world around us. In truly following Jesus, as our self-interest transforms to other-interest, the hungry are fed, the sick are healed, the stranger is welcomed, and the vulnerable are provided for. As we live fully into our calling as disciples, we forge a world where the bekora and the baraka (the inheritance and the blessing) abound for all God’s children, sisters and brothers all.

This ancient story of the sibling rivalry between Esau and Jacob has something to say to us today. It’s a message for parents to love freely and equally, to see and affirm each child as special and unique. It is also an encouragement to come alongside our children as they cope with rivalry. We can encourage our children to share their feelings. We can teach them strategies for conflict resolution. We can model for them our own healthy communication, reasonable negotiation, compromise, and sharing. We can trust that the healthy lessons learned as children will be a blessing to our sons and daughters at any age.

This ancient story of the sibling rivalry can also be a calling to renewed discipleship. It’s a call to self-examination about core questions. Where must our self-interest and personal preoccupation be tempered by Jesus’ invitation to humility, vulnerability, and obedience? If greatness is found in being servant of all, how are we doing? Jesus, the beloved Son, forfeited his power and privilege to live among us, love freely, and share abundantly. It’s an example that can move churches and communities past division and nudge us closer to the Kingdom.

Finally, this ancient story of the sibling rivalry is a word to the nations. When our Israelite ancestors told this story they saw in it the rivalry between two neighboring nations. Edom would arise from the descendants of Esau. Israel would emerge from the descendants of Jacob. Throughout their history, Edom and Israel had a tumultuous relationship characterized by both conflict and cooperation. The Edomites were often seen as adversaries, and they occasionally allied with other nations—like the Babylonians—against Israel, leading to military confrontation.

This age-old spirit of rivalry and conflict between nations continues to plague our world. Russia invades Ukraine. Congo and Rwanda wage repeated wars over natural resources. Pakistan and Afghanistan skirmish over borders and militant attacks. Even our nation is at odds with brothers and sisters on the world stage whether we are engineering regime change in Venezuela and Cuba or battling it out in the Straits of Hormuz. Jesus might encourage the nations of the world to transform those sibling rivalries, to put down our weapons and pick up those essential skills that our childhood disputes can foster: healthy communication, reasonable negotiation, compromise, and sharing. Perhaps we could even forge a world where there is bekora and baraka—inheritance and the blessing—for all God’s children. What a world that would be!

Jacob may have sought to steal both inheritance and blessing, but he would end up alienated and exiled from kin and country for twenty years. Both inheritance and blessing would pass from generation to generation in God’s time, at God’s discretion. Both brothers, Jacob and Esau, would be blessed in their own ways. We’ll learn more about that in the coming weeks. Sibling rivalry may be healthy and universal, but let’s learn the lessons it is meant to teach and move on. May we go forth to love generously, follow Jesus more nearly, and build a world where there is bekora and baraka for all. Amen.

Resources:

Claire McCarthy, Howard LeWine, ed. “Sibling Rivalry Is Normal—but Is It Helpful or Harmful?” In Harvard Health Publishing: Pediatric Health, April 15, 2026. Accessed online at health,harvard.edu.

Carole Moore Pfaffly. “Sibling Rivalry” In EBSCO Research Starters, 2024. Accessed online at https://www.ebsco.com/research-starters/psychology/sibling-rivalry

Kathryn Schifferdecker. “Commentary on Genesis 25:19-34” in Preaching This Week, July 16, 2017. Accessed online at https://www.workingpreacher.org/commentaries/revised-common-lectionary/ordinary-15/commentary-on-genesis-2519-34-4

Matthew Schlimm. “Commentary on Genesis 25:19-34” in Preaching This Week, July 12, 2026. Accessed online at https://www.workingpreacher.org/commentaries/revised-common-lectionary/ordinary-15/commentary-on-genesis-2519-34-7

Valerie Bridgeman. “Commentary on Genesis 25:19-34” in Preaching This Week, July 16, 2023. Accessed online at https://www.workingpreacher.org/commentaries/revised-common-lectionary/ordinary-15/commentary-on-genesis-2519-34-6

Genesis 25:19-34

19 These are the descendants of Isaac, Abraham’s son: Abraham was the father of Isaac, 20 and Isaac was forty years old when he married Rebekah, daughter of Bethuel the Aramean of Paddan-aram, sister of Laban the Aramean. 21 Isaac prayed to the Lord for his wife because she was barren, and the Lord granted his prayer, and his wife Rebekah conceived. 22 The children struggled together within her, and she said, “If it is to be this way, why do I live?” So she went to inquire of the Lord. 23 And the Lord said to her,

“Two nations are in your womb,
and two peoples born of you shall be divided;
the one shall be stronger than the other;
the elder shall serve the younger.”

24 When her time to give birth was at hand, there were twins in her womb. 25 The first came out red, all his body like a hairy mantle, so they named him Esau. 26 Afterward his brother came out, with his hand gripping Esau’s heel, so he was named Jacob. Isaac was sixty years old when she bore them.

27 When the boys grew up, Esau was a skillful hunter, a man of the field, while Jacob was a quiet man, living in tents. 28 Isaac loved Esau because he was fond of game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.

29 Once when Jacob was cooking a stew, Esau came in from the field, and he was famished. 30 Esau said to Jacob, “Let me eat some of that red stuff, for I am famished!” (Therefore he was called Edom.) 31 Jacob said, “First sell me your birthright.” 32 Esau said, “I am about to die; of what use is a birthright to me?” 33 Jacob said, “Swear to me first.” So he swore to him and sold his birthright to Jacob. 34 Then Jacob gave Esau bread and lentil stew, and he ate and drank and rose and went his way. Thus Esau despised his birthright.

Joann White

writer, pastor, spiritual director, and enthusiast of wild places

Abrahamic covenant