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Sibling Rivalry

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Sabbath Day Thoughts — “Sibling Rivalry” Genesis 25:19-34

Sibling rivalry is a form of competition among brothers and sisters. It’s normal and healthy, as long as it doesn’t become destructive to the children involved or their families. Unless we are only children, we all experience it. The newborn infant comes home from the hospital and the older child wants to send him back. Siblings bicker over who gets to sit up front in the car and who has to ride in back. Sisters vie over favorite toys, clothes, or friends. Brothers and sisters compete for top grades, best athletic achievements, greatest popularity, and most awards at graduation. Does any of this sound familiar?

When sibling rivalry is healthy, it can be helpful. As children navigate their relationship with a sibling, they develop social skills that are needed in life. We learn to communicate with one another. We learn to negotiate for what we want and need. That involves compromise, working it out by giving a little and getting a little. It also demands that we learn to share. Communicating, negotiating, compromising, and sharing, mastering those abilities serves us well across our lifespan.

Social scientists tell us that, at its heart, sibling rivalry is the competition for the love, affection, or attention of one or both parents.  When a parent consistently favors one child over another, it fans the flames of sibling rivalry and may drive it in an unhealthy direction. Over half of adults report continued competition with their siblings far into adulthood. Even when healthier bonds are formed, rivalry can reappear later in life, especially when making decisions about aging parents. Does any of this sound familiar?

Our reading from Genesis considers the rivalry between twin brothers Jacob and Esau. Last week, we learned of the promising marriage between Isaac and Rebekah, but twenty years passed without children to bless the union and continue the covenant with God. When Isaac’s prayers were answered and Rebekah’s womb was opened, she wondered if she would survive her pregnancy as the brothers struggled violently within her. We listened in as God reassured the despairing Rebekah that God’s plan was unfolding within her: two nations would be born, each longing to best the other with the younger ultimately rising to ascendancy.

From the start, the brothers were very different. Esau was born first, big, hairy, and red. He would be named accordingly. Esau means hairy, and his nickname Edom means red. Jacob came next, hairless and grabby, reaching out to grasp his brother’s heel, and he would be named accordingly, too.  Ya’aqov means the grabber, the supplanter, the heel, the trickster. Esau was a man of the great outdoors, a hunter. Jacob was a man of the camp, a shepherd. The sibling rivalry that started in Rebekah’s womb was inflamed over the course of childhood as each parent preferentially favored one boy. Isaac doted upon Esau. Rebekah adored Jacob.

This rivalry was further incited by what was at stake for the two boys. Even though they were twins, Esau had a preferential birthright. He was entitled to the bekora, that’s Hebrew for the inheritance of the firstborn, a two thirds share of the inheritance of the family’s wealth. Jacob would only receive one third. Esau would also follow his father as the patriarch of the family, with greater social responsibility and standing. Esau was further entitled to the baraka, that’s Hebrew for blessing—the blessing of the patriarch would be conferred by Isaac to Esau, including the covenant with God.

Jacob wanted what Esau had. First, he exploited his brother’s hunger after a failed hunting trip. A tasty bowl of lentil stew passed as a suitable exchange for the bekora, the birthright. Later, as Father Isaac aged and lost his vision, his preferential love for Esau continued, so Jacob, with the help of his mother, conspired to also steal the baraka. Disguising himself as his hairy twin and tempting his blind father with a savory meat stew, Jacob received the patriarch’s blessing and the generational passing of the covenant. When news of the trickery came to light, Isaac grieved, Esau exploded into murderous rage, and Jacob ran for his life.

Sibling rivalry is a repeated theme of scripture. Firstborn Cain slew his younger brother Abel in a fit of jealousy. Jacob, who was preferentially loved by his mother, would do the same with his boy Joseph, setting up a bitter rivalry among his sons. Generations later, when Israel needed a king, the older sons of Jesse were passed over for younger brother David, whom they saw as a bratty little bragger. Even Jesus had to contend with sibling rivalry among his followers, including two sets of brothers. They sparred repeatedly over who was the greatest, like brothers James and John wrangling with one another over a preferential seat in the coming Kingdom of God.

As only Jesus could, he used the rivalry of his followers to teach a lesson about discipleship. In response to the question of who was the greatest, Jesus placed a child as a role model in the midst of his friends—this was greatness: humility, vulnerability, and obedience. In response to Jame’s and John’s rivalry over preferred status in the Kingdom, Jesus taught his friends that if we wish to be master of all, we must be servant of all. Greatness was found in following him in the way of self-giving, self-sacrificial love.

That wise and wily Jesus! He knew a thing or two about human development. To be a disciple, the childhood spirit of rivalry and our longing to be best-loved must be transformed. Instead of selfish interest, disciples must pursue other-interest. The skills we acquire in the natural course of our sibling rivalries, like communicating, negotiating, compromising, and sharing, aren’t meant to serve only ourselves. Those skills are meant to serve God and the world around us. In truly following Jesus, as our self-interest transforms to other-interest, the hungry are fed, the sick are healed, the stranger is welcomed, and the vulnerable are provided for. As we live fully into our calling as disciples, we forge a world where the bekora and the baraka (the inheritance and the blessing) abound for all God’s children, sisters and brothers all.

This ancient story of the sibling rivalry between Esau and Jacob has something to say to us today. It’s a message for parents to love freely and equally, to see and affirm each child as special and unique. It is also an encouragement to come alongside our children as they cope with rivalry. We can encourage our children to share their feelings. We can teach them strategies for conflict resolution. We can model for them our own healthy communication, reasonable negotiation, compromise, and sharing. We can trust that the healthy lessons learned as children will be a blessing to our sons and daughters at any age.

This ancient story of the sibling rivalry can also be a calling to renewed discipleship. It’s a call to self-examination about core questions. Where must our self-interest and personal preoccupation be tempered by Jesus’ invitation to humility, vulnerability, and obedience? If greatness is found in being servant of all, how are we doing?  Jesus, the beloved Son, forfeited his power and privilege to live among us, love freely, and share abundantly. It’s an example that can move churches and communities past division and nudge us closer to the Kingdom.

Finally, this ancient story of the sibling rivalry is a word to the nations. When our Israelite ancestors told this story they saw in it the rivalry between two neighboring nations. Edom would arise from the descendants of Esau. Israel would emerge from the descendants of Jacob. Throughout their history, Edom and Israel had a tumultuous relationship characterized by both conflict and cooperation. The Edomites were often seen as adversaries, and they occasionally allied with other nations—like the Babylonians—against Israel, leading to military confrontation.

This age-old spirit of rivalry and conflict between nations continues to plague our world. Russia invades Ukraine. Congo and Rwanda wage repeated wars over natural resources. Pakistan and Afghanistan skirmish over borders and militant attacks. Even our nation is at odds with brothers and sisters on the world stage whether we are engineering regime change in Venezuela and Cuba or battling it out in the Straits of Hormuz. Jesus might encourage the nations of the world to transform those sibling rivalries, to put down our weapons and pick up those essential skills that our childhood disputes can foster: healthy communication, reasonable negotiation, compromise, and sharing. Perhaps we could even forge a world where there is bekora and baraka—inheritance and the blessing—for all God’s children. What a world that would be!

Jacob may have sought to steal both inheritance and blessing, but he would end up alienated and exiled from kin and country for twenty years. Both inheritance and blessing would pass from generation to generation in God’s time, at God’s discretion. Both brothers, Jacob and Esau, would be blessed in their own ways. We’ll learn more about that in the coming weeks. Sibling rivalry may be healthy and universal, but let’s learn the lessons it is meant to teach and move on. May we go forth to love generously, follow Jesus more nearly, and build a world where there is bekora and baraka for all. Amen.

Resources:

Claire McCarthy, Howard LeWine, ed. “Sibling Rivalry Is Normal—but Is It Helpful or Harmful?” In Harvard Health Publishing: Pediatric Health, April 15, 2026. Accessed online at health,harvard.edu.

Carole Moore Pfaffly. “Sibling Rivalry” In EBSCO Research Starters, 2024. Accessed online at https://www.ebsco.com/research-starters/psychology/sibling-rivalry

Kathryn Schifferdecker. “Commentary on Genesis 25:19-34” in Preaching This Week, July 16, 2017. Accessed online at https://www.workingpreacher.org/commentaries/revised-common-lectionary/ordinary-15/commentary-on-genesis-2519-34-4

Matthew Schlimm. “Commentary on Genesis 25:19-34” in Preaching This Week, July 12, 2026. Accessed online at https://www.workingpreacher.org/commentaries/revised-common-lectionary/ordinary-15/commentary-on-genesis-2519-34-7

Valerie Bridgeman. “Commentary on Genesis 25:19-34” in Preaching This Week, July 16, 2023. Accessed online at https://www.workingpreacher.org/commentaries/revised-common-lectionary/ordinary-15/commentary-on-genesis-2519-34-6

Genesis 25:19-34

19 These are the descendants of Isaac, Abraham’s son: Abraham was the father of Isaac, 20 and Isaac was forty years old when he married Rebekah, daughter of Bethuel the Aramean of Paddan-aram, sister of Laban the Aramean. 21 Isaac prayed to the Lord for his wife because she was barren, and the Lord granted his prayer, and his wife Rebekah conceived. 22 The children struggled together within her, and she said, “If it is to be this way, why do I live?” So she went to inquire of the Lord. 23 And the Lord said to her,

“Two nations are in your womb,
and two peoples born of you shall be divided;
the one shall be stronger than the other;
the elder shall serve the younger.”

24 When her time to give birth was at hand, there were twins in her womb. 25 The first came out red, all his body like a hairy mantle, so they named him Esau. 26 Afterward his brother came out, with his hand gripping Esau’s heel, so he was named Jacob. Isaac was sixty years old when she bore them.

27 When the boys grew up, Esau was a skillful hunter, a man of the field, while Jacob was a quiet man, living in tents. 28 Isaac loved Esau because he was fond of game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.


29 Once when Jacob was cooking a stew, Esau came in from the field, and he was famished. 30 Esau said to Jacob, “Let me eat some of that red stuff, for I am famished!” (Therefore he was called Edom.) 31 Jacob said, “First sell me your birthright.” 32 Esau said, “I am about to die; of what use is a birthright to me?” 33 Jacob said, “Swear to me first.” So he swore to him and sold his birthright to Jacob. 34 Then Jacob gave Esau bread and lentil stew, and he ate and drank and rose and went his way. Thus Esau despised his birthright.

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Blessed in the Struggle

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Sabbath Day Thoughts — “Blessed in the Struggle” Gen. 32:22-31

At the age of two, doctors said that Temple had brain damage. She would never talk or be able to function in a home or school setting. “The best option is to institutionalize the child,” they told her parents. Temple’s father agreed, but her mother refused. Instead, she found a neurologist who provided Temple with speech therapy, and she hired a nanny to play games with the little girl. As she grew, school was an agony for Temple. She was ridiculed and taunted for being a nerdy kid with strange behaviors. She earned the nickname “human tape recorder” for perseverating, obsessively repeating word for word whatever was said to her.

Terry was a young athlete with a winning personality and a lot of heart. He played basketball and ran cross country in high school and was awarded the distinction of Athlete of the Year as a senior. He headed to college to study kinesiology with the hope of becoming a physical education teacher. That spring, growing pain in Terry’s right knee sent him to the doctor. Testing found that he had osteosarcoma, a form of cancer that often starts near the knees. Terry was told that his leg had to be amputated, and he would require extended chemotherapy. His odds of survival were only fifty percent.

Maya spent her childhood in and out of poverty, shuttled between the homes of her parents, grandparents, and divorced mother. As a little Black girl in the south, she had limited opportunity for school, but her teachers noticed from a young age that she had a gift for poetry. When Maya was seven, she was sent to live with her mother. There she was sexually abused by her mother’s boyfriend Freeman. She told her brother, who told the rest of the family. Freeman was found guilty but was jailed only one day for his crime. Four days after his release, Freeman was found dead, probably killed by Maya’s uncles. The little girl was so traumatized by her experience that she became mute for almost five years, believing she was to blame for the man’s death.

We all have endured struggle. Like Temple, we may contend with learning disabilities, school bias, and bullying. Like Terry, we grapple with devastating diagnoses and major health crises. Like Maya, we have known poverty and hardship, abuse and trauma. No life is without moments when we feel that we are fighting for our lives, in the struggle with everything we’ve got, hoping against hope for some sort of blessing.

Jacob knew all about struggle, but much of his battle was of his own making. Twenty years before the events of our reading from Genesis 32, Jacob fled his home in Canaan. He had tried to swindle his brother Esau out of his birthright as the firstborn, and then he duped his blind father into granting him the patriarchal blessing. When Jacob had left home, he was running for his life, one step ahead of Esau, who was ready to kill him. Now as Jacob returned to Canaan, he was again worried about brother Esau. Word had come that Esau was on his way to meet Jacob, accompanied by 400 men. Although Jacob had sent his wives and children and ample herds ahead to appease his brother, Jacob feared the worst.

Things shifted for Temple when she spent the summer before her senior year in high school on her aunt’s farm. There, Temple found that she had a special affinity for animals. If her schoolmates ridiculed her, animals were drawn to her. She understood their feelings and behavior in ways that others could not. Temple noticed that typical farming practices, from medical care to slaughter, panicked and traumatized animals. She began to imagine inventions that could make the treatment of animals more humane. When she returned to school for her senior year, she had a science teacher who was a former Nasa scientist Robert Carlock. He began mentoring Temple and encouraged her to build her first invention, the hugbox, which held animals firmly in place while they were tended.

With the help of a prosthetic limb, Terry Fox was walking three weeks after the amputation of his right leg. Terry had a positive outlook that impressed doctors. That summer, Rick Hansen of the Canadian Wheelchair Sports Association, invited Terry to try out for his wheelchair basketball team. Less than two months after learning how to play the sport, Terry became a member of the team. He would go on to win three national titles with the team, and was named an all-star by the North American Wheelchair Basketball Association.

Maya slowly found her voice through her love of poetry. One of her teachers, Mrs. Bertha Flowers, told the teenaged Maya who still struggled with mutism, “You do not love poetry, not until you speak it.” Mrs. Flowers encouraged Maya’s writing, introducing her to the work of William Shakespeare, James Weldon Johnson, and Black female artists like Frances Harper and Anne Spencer. Maya wrote. In her first book, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, Maya told the story of her life from the age of three to the age of sixteen. Maya described her transformation from a victim of racism to a self-possessed young woman capable of responding to prejudice. Her work was nominated for the National Book Award and remained on the New York Times bestseller list for two years.

Jacob spent a long night wrestling. In the Jewish tradition, they say that Jacob wrestled with an angel. Some modern interpreters say that Jacob wrestled with himself, with his deceitful past, with his need to seek reconciliation with his brother and make a fresh start as a patriarch and father of a nation. Jacob believed that he wrestled with God. All night long they grappled. As the sun rose, Jacob found he was alone, wounded but blessed, ready to meet his brother and start a new life.

We have all endured struggles. Sometimes, like Temple, Terry, Maya, and Jacob, we may even find that we are blessed in the struggle. We discover that we have unique abilities and a calling to use those gifts. We find the right attitude to meet the challenge and head off in a new direction. We rise above our trauma and see that we have a voice that can help and bless others who struggle. We grow, transforming in ways that we never expected. At some point in the struggle, we may even realize that we aren’t wrestling with God. Instead, God is on our side as we wrestle with the adversity that touches every life. We, too, emerge from our struggles wounded, but blessed.

Dr. Temple Grandin was one of the first adults to publicly disclose that she was autistic. Her work broke down years of shame and stigma. She is a prominent proponent of the humane treatment of livestock for slaughter, and the author of more than 60 scientific papers on animal behavior. Her research and inventions have revolutionized livestock handling, transport, and slaughter. In 2010, Temple was named in the Time Magazine list of the one hundred most influential people in the world.

In 1980, Terry Fox launched an epic attempt to run across Canada to raise funds and awareness for cancer research. He began in April, dipping his prosthetic leg into the Atlantic, and in the first days of his run was met by gale-force winds, heavy rain, and a snowstorm. As he racked up the miles, Terry’s fame spread and so did the donations to the Canadian Cancer Society. He was forced to end his run in Thuder Bay, Ontario, after 143 days and 3,339 miles when chest pain and coughing led to testing that determined that Terry’s cancer had returned. Terry’s run raised about $23 million for cancer research. He died in 1981, but an annual run in his honor is the world’s largest one-day fundraiser for cancer research, and over $900 million has been raised in his name.

May Angelou was a poet, playwright, director, actor, Civil Rights activist, and public speaker. In 1993, Angelou recited her poem “On the Pulse of Morning” at the first inauguration of President Bill Clinton. Maya was respected as a spokesperson for Black people and women, and her works have been considered a defense of Black culture. Her books are used in schools and universities worldwide, although attempts have been made to ban her books from some U.S. libraries. Maya received three Grammys for her spoken-word albums. She was awarded the Spingarn Medal, the National Medal of Arts, and the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

After his long night of wrestling, Jacob was finally reunited with his brother Esau. The two men embraced, Esau weeping to see Jacob after so many years of alienation and separation. They made peace and went their separate ways. Each man became the father of a nation.

We all have endured struggle. We all bear wounds. May we remember that God is with us, not against us, in the grappling. May we all be blessed.

Resources

Amy Merrill Willis. “Commentary on Genesis 32:22-31” in Preaching This Week, August 2, 2020. Accessed online at https://www.workingpreacher.org/commentaries/revised-common-lectionary/ordinary-18/commentary-on-genesis-3222-31

Mark S. Smith. “Commentary on Genesis 32:22-31” in Preaching This Week, August 6, 2023. Accessed online at https://www.workingpreacher.org/commentaries/revised-common-lectionary/ordinary-18/commentary-on-genesis-3222-31-13

Wil Gafney. “Commentary on Genesis 32:22-31” in Preaching This Week, July 31, 2011. Accessed online at https://www.workingpreacher.org/commentaries/revised-common-lectionary/ordinary-18/commentary-on-genesis-3222-31-2

Terry Fox Foundation. “A Dream as Big as Our Country.” https://terryfox.org/terrys-story/

“Terry Fox.” Encyclopedia Britannica, 17 Oct. 2025, https://www.britannica.com/facts/Terry-Fox. Accessed 17 October 2025.

Temple Grandin. “About Temple Grandin.”  Accessed online at https://www.templegrandin.com/

The Information Architects of Encyclopedia Britannica. “Temple Grandin”. Encyclopedia Britannica, 17 Oct. 2025, https://www.britannica.com/facts/Temple-Grandin. Accessed 17 October 2025.

Maya Angelou. “And Still I Rise,” documentary first aired winter 2017. BBC One Imagine. https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=and+still+i+rise+documentary&view=detail&mid=653D576936E13F10B2B8653D576936E13F10B2B8&FORM=VIRE

Genesis 32:22-31

22 The same night he got up and took his two wives, his two maids, and his eleven children and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 He took them and sent them across the stream, and likewise everything that he had. 24 Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he struck him on the hip socket, and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. 26 Then he said, “Let me go, for the day is breaking.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go, unless you bless me.” 27 So he said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” 28 Then the man said, “You shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with humans and have prevailed.” 29 Then Jacob asked him, “Please tell me your name.” But he said, “Why is it that you ask my name?” And there he blessed him. 30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “For I have seen God face to face, yet my life is preserved.” 31 The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip.

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