Sabbath Day Thoughts — “Learning Patience” Genesis 29:15-28
We live in an increasingly impatient world. Researchers have found that we’ll wait four seconds for a website to load before irritation sets in. By ten seconds, we are clicking our way to the next site. 96% of Americans admit to knowingly consuming hot food or drinks that burn their mouths rather than waiting for things to cool down. When it comes to phone calls, we are willing to be on hold for one minute (or less) before we hang up. We’ve been trained to expect instant everything. Our favorite streaming services roll from one episode right into another. We sigh with impatience when the self-check-out lanes are full at the grocery and we have to deal with the human checker. We like those one-tap purchases and emailed receipts.
Impatience doesn’t feel good. We may feel irritation that blossoms into frustration and even anger. We may feel restless and anxious, worrying about what is next and fearing that we are losing control. Our heart rate, respiration, and perspiration increase. Our blood pressure rises and stomach acid churns. Time changes when we are impatient. Behavioral scientists note that our brains don’t track waiting time like a stopwatch. When we are impatient, the brain stretches seconds into what feels like minutes. We may even act impulsively to absorb our discomfort. That’s why those clever marketers put the candy and cooking magazines at the check-out counter.
Jacob was impatient. Even before he was born, God promised that Jacob would be heir to the covenant, but Jacob wanted all the blessing and he wanted it now. As we’ve heard in past weeks, he duped his brother out of his birthright and deceived his blind father into granting him the patriarch’s blessing. Running for his life from the murderous anger of older twin Esau, Jacob encountered God in a midnight vision of a heavenly ladder and the promise of a blessed future was renewed. Children, wealth land, would all come to Jacob in God’s time. But Jacob didn’t want to wait.
When Jacob arrived at the sanctuary of his Uncle Laban’s camp, he saw his young kinswoman Rachel and decided that she had to be his. He could imagine it all: his return to Canaan with his beautiful bride, the many children who were sure to come, his flocks and influence growing, year after year, in the land that God had promised. There were a couple of problems with Jacob’s eager assumptions. First, although he was kin, Jacob was a penniless nomad who had arrived in Laban’s camp with little more than the shirt on his back and the sandals on his feet. Laban remembered years before when Abraham’s servant had shown up loaded with gold and in search of a bride for Jacob’s father Isaac. Jacob couldn’t pay a bride price and he clearly was not in right relationship with his father who should have been making any wedding arrangements. And then there was longstanding tradition when it came to daughters. The elder wed before the younger. Anything less was an insult to both daughters and family. The wily Laban traded on Jacob’s impatience. In lesser families, a poor neighbor might serve a period of indentured service for a year or two in exchange for marriage. But the impatient Jacob made a rash decision. He committed to serving his future father-in-law for seven years, working with Laban’s flocks in exchange for a bride.
Impatience can change the choices we make. Biologically, our impatience triggers a tug of war within our brains. The pre-frontal cortex, that rational part of our brain, must contend with our limbic system which is all about getting a quick hit of dopamine. When the impulsive, reward-driven part of our brain wins, patience loses. If we are already stressed by busyness, fatigue, or hunger, we are even more likely to make poor decisions and take impulsive shortcuts. Jacob, far from home, trying to fit into a new family, and grabby for all the blessing he could get, was destined to make a bad deal with Laban.
Jacob’s impatience with God didn’t serve him well in the short-term or the long-term. He fulfilled his seven-year indenture, but it didn’t seem to improve his patience. Did you hear what he said to his future father-in-law? I did my time; give me my wife! Maybe that’s why Laban felt justified in tricking Jacob on his wedding night, using what was likely a mixture of alcohol, darkness, and silence to pull the old switcheroo. As tradition demanded, the older daughter Leah was wed before the younger daughter Rachel. Then, Laban exploited Jacob’s impatience and rashness even further, signing him up for another seven-year indenture. Jacob’s initial impatience would launch a lifetime of bitter competition between the sisters who would even drag their slaves Zilpah and Bilhah into a baby-making race that would yield thirteen children in thirteen years.
Oh Jacob, we look at you as an example story about the dangers of impatience and the reluctance to trust in the presence and goodness of God. But we know where you are coming from. We are an impatient people. We are impatient in the workplace. We get angry and rashly quit a job before we find another one. We cut ethical corners or take bad risks for the big payout rather than making slow and steady gains. We are impatient with family and friends. We tend to disconnect and drop out of relationships when the emotional work gets tough. We feel frustrated and critical when our kids don’t measure up to our expectations. We are impatient with ourselves. We expect immediate healing when we have an injury or illness. We feel the impulsive pressure to keep up with the Joneses and spend more than we should. We feel impatient with God. We want the blessing and we want it now. We shake our fist at the heavens when our dreams don’t pan out. Maybe we are not so unlike Jacob after all.
Researchers say that we can boost our ability to be patient. Patience is like a muscle that grows when exercised and flexed. Most essential in building patience is gratitude. Researchers at Northeastern University College of Science have found that simple gratitude exercises, like making time daily to notice the goodness in our lives or keeping a gratitude journal, boosts patience and self-control. When we see the good things in our jobs or families, friendships or life of faith, we value them and are willing to invest our energy and effort in being patient.
Another important tool for building patience is mindfulness. Being present in the moment by noticing to our breath, attending to beauty, or centering ourselves in prayer can reframe our experience and dissipate the frustration and annoyance of impatience. We can “use the wait” to grow in patience by shifting our focus to breath, beauty, or prayer, whether we are standing in line, waiting for problems to resolve on the job, or enduring a rough patch in a marriage.
It is also good to remember that we are less likely to spiral into impatience and rash actions when we take care of ourselves. Getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, having meaningful connections in the community, and spending time in nature have been proven to curb our impatience. All those essential acts of self-care are not only good for us physically; they are good for us emotionally and reap benefits when we are faced with those situations most likely to make us spiral into impatience.
Finally, did you know that you can cultivate patience? It’s true. The more we intentionally practice patience, the more patient we become. This takes time and effort. Try using an affirmation like, “This is temporary and I can tolerate it.” Try waiting 15 minutes before checking your phone. Let the line you are standing in move without switching lanes. Count to ten and take a deep breath before leaning on your horn when those tourists bring traffic to a screeching halt at the T-intersection by NBT Bank. In your daily prayers, ask God to nurture within you the gift of patience. Flexing our patience muscle daily can rewire our brains.
Jacob would eventually reap the blessing that God had promised. First came the children, then the livestock, and eventually a return to the Promised Land. I’d like to think that somewhere along the way, he found the patience that he so lacked as a younger man. He watched his children being born and felt gratitude for the miracle of life. He used those long hours while watching Laban’s flocks to be mindful of the beauty of sun and shadow on the landscape and the presence of God in the ordinary. He was well cared for by those two wives and two concubines and stopped being so anxious and impatient. He learned to count to ten before yelling at the kids. He breathed into the moment and thanked God for the slow unfolding of goodness in God’s time and in God’s way.
We may live in an increasingly impatient world, but we can choose to be different. May it be so.
Resources
Eric Solomon. “The Death of Patience” in Psychology Today, January 16, 2025. Accessed online at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/story-over-spreadsheet/202501/the-death-of-patience?msockid=02b77a0d2ad563c12b2668682bd2625c.
Editorial Team. “Impatience Psychology: Unraveling the Roots of Restlessness” in NeuroLaunch, September 14, 2024. Accessed online at https://neurolaunch.com/psychology-behind-impatience/
Northeastern University College of Science. “Can gratitude reduce cost impatience?” in Science Daily, March 31, 2014. Accessed online at https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/03/140331100236.htm
Robert E. Puff. “Patience Is a Virtue” in Psychology Today, March 1, 2024. Accessed online at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meditation-for-modern-life/202403/patience-is-a-virtue?msockid=02b77a0d2ad563c12b2668682bd2625c
Sarah M. Koenig. “Commentary on Genesis 29:15-28” in Preaching This Week, July 26, 2026. Accessed online at https://www.workingpreacher.org/commentaries/revised-common-lectionary/ordinary-17/commentary-on-genesis-2915-28-7
Valerie Bridgeman. “Commentary on Genesis 29:15-28” in Preaching This Week, July 30, 2023. Accessed online at https://www.workingpreacher.org/commentaries/revised-common-lectionary/ordinary-17/commentary-on-genesis-2915-28-6
Wil Gafney. “Commentary on Genesis 29:15-28” in Preaching This Week, July 24, 2011. Accessed online at https://www.workingpreacher.org/commentaries/revised-common-lectionary/ordinary-17/commentary-on-genesis-2915-28-2
Genesis 29:15-28
15 Then Laban said to Jacob, “Because you are my kinsman, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me, what shall your wages be?” 16 Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. 17 Leah’s eyes were weak, but Rachel was graceful and beautiful. 18 Jacob loved Rachel, so he said, “I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.” 19 Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to any other man; stay with me.” 20 So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her.
21 Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife that I may go in to her, for my time is completed.” 22 So Laban gathered together all the people of the place and made a feast. 23 But in the evening he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and he went in to her. 24 (Laban gave his maid Zilpah to his daughter Leah to be her maid.) 25 When morning came, it was Leah! And Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? Did I not serve with you for Rachel? Why then have you deceived me?” 26 Laban said, “This is not done in our country—giving the younger before the firstborn. 27 Complete the week of this one, and we will give you the other also in return for serving me another seven years.” 28 Jacob did so and completed her week; then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel as a wife.
Joann White 