love and child development

The Binding

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Sabbath Day Thoughts — “The Binding” Genesis 22:1-14

There were 532,228 documented cases of child abuse and neglect in the U.S. in 2024, the most recent year for which there is national data. Certainly, many more cases went undocumented. Child abuse encompasses physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, and neglect. Hitting, shaking, or other forms of force; sexual exploitation by a caregiver or trusted adult; shaming, rejecting, or withholding affection; failure to meet a child’s basic needs for food, shelter, medical care, education, and emotional support, all are acts of abuse. Although children who live in poverty face greater risk of abuse than higher-income families, abuse occurs across all demographics, affecting children of every gender, race, ethnicity, and community.

Child abuse has long-lasting effects. In addition to physical injuries that need immediate care, victims of abuse are likely to develop chronic health problems, mental illness, and post-traumatic stress. Abuse compromises the lifelong ability of children to trust and form successful relationships. Abused children may struggle to retain information, recall previously learned material, and sustain focus in school, resulting in lower grades and diminished standardized test scores. Abuse can be passed from generation to generation. Thirty percent of children whose mothers experienced mistreatment as children also experienced abuse or neglect by age twelve.

Disturbingly, religion can be used to justify or perpetrate the mistreatment of children. Scripture like, “Spare the rod and spoil the child,” may be used to support corporal punishment. Some sects may withhold lifesaving medical treatment for religious reasons. Denominations have paid out big settlements to victims of child sexual abuse by predator priests. Corporal punishment may even be justified for purging evil in children. In October 2015, 19-year-old Lucas Leonard died from injuries sustained during repeated and severe beatings at the Word of Life Christian Church in Chadwicks, New York. The beatings were part of “spiritual counseling” for Lucas and his 17-year-old brother Christopher, who wished to leave the church.

Rev. Dr. Donald Capps who taught pastoral care for many years at Princeton Seminary, wrote in A Child’s Song, “This is not a pleasant subject, especially for those of us who have deep personal attachments to the Christian faith. But we dare not avoid the subject, for the abuse of children in the name of religion may well be the most significant reason for why they leave the faith when they are old enough to do so. We must ask ourselves: Who can blame them?”

Let’s be honest. Today’s reading from Genesis describes parental behavior that is undeniably abusive. Last week, we considered a similarly disturbing story from Genesis as Abraham sent his older son Ishmael and lesser wife Hagar off into the wilderness. This week, Abraham heard a holy voice asking the unthinkable. “Abraham, Abraham, take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering.”

Contemporary people of faith have a hard time understanding why Abraham would pack his bags, sharpen his knife, load up his son with firewood, and set off on a three-day journey to a place of sacrifice. But such sacrifices were common in the Ancient Near East. In Abraham and Sarah’s first home, the Mesopotamian city of Ur, kings killed their sons to petition the gods for long life. In the land of the Phoenicians, the goddess Ashtart cried out to the people, “Give me the burnt offering of your child, and I will favor you.” In Canaan, Ba’al promised worshipers, “Sacrifice your children and I will keep you safe from all evil.” In Moab, the god Chemosh delivered victory in battle for the burnt offering of the king’s son. Even in the later history of Israel, child sacrifice was sometimes practiced. Scripture tells us that Kings Ahaz and Manasseh of Judah sacrificed sons as burnt offerings (2Kings 16:3, 21:6). We may be shocked to consider the request of child sacrifice that God made of Abraham, but for the patriarch, it would simply have been what the gods required of you.

Our Jewish brothers and sisters call this story The Binding. Abraham “bound his son Isaac, and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood.” The Hebrew word for “bind”—akedah—is used only this one time in the Bible. Elsewhere in Midrash and rabbinic literature it is used to describe the ritual binding of an animal for sacrifice. As Abraham wound around Isaac the cords of an oppressive Near Eastern world that demanded the sacrifice of a beloved son, parent and child were bound in a seemingly inescapable cycle of violence and abuse, passed from generation to generation.

As Abraham’s hand reached out to strike with the knife, something unprecedented happened. God said, “No. Abraham, Abraham! Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him.” God would not give the precious gift of a child, and later demand that sacrifice. God’s expectation was that Isaac would grow, find someone to love, and have children to richly bless the world. Abraham unbound Isaac, breaking the cycle of abuse. We can imagine that on the mountaintop there were tears and hugs. The frightened and traumatized Isaac was cradled in the arms of the relieved and grateful Abraham as the patriarch rejoiced, “God does not require this sacrifice.”

In twenty-six years of parish ministry, I have heard many stories of abuse: adults mistreated as children by those who were meant to love and protect them; spouses traumatized by the wounds of physical and emotional abuse; even people who experienced sexual misconduct at the hands of the clergy, scout leaders, and coaches charged with tending the flock. The one thing I always tell them is that God doesn’t want anyone to be abused. It’s right there in scripture. God said, “No,” to the sacrifice of Isaac. Jesus blessed and welcomed children in a time when a high-status rabbi like him would have had nothing to do with kids. Indeed, God sent God’s only son into the world to seek and save us when we are lost—and we nailed him to a cross. God responded to the death of his only son not with violence and abuse, but with love, breaking the cycle of violence, overcoming death, and reaching out with forgiveness. God says a bold and unequivocal, “No,” to the harming of bodies and the wounding of spirits. God says, No.”

As difficult as Genesis 22 is to ponder, it has something important to say to people here and now. It is a bold and corrective word to those who have perpetrated abuse, whether they are parents, teachers, coaches, neighbors, or pastors. Violent tantrums, physical assault, destruction of personal property, name calling, insults, shaming, harassment, sarcasm, and the silent treatment are never justified or acceptable. God says, “No.”

The story of Isaac also speaks a word of comfort to those who have been mistreated and terrified by the people who have been entrusted with their care. Like Isaac, all children are a gift from God, a blessing to their families, communities, and to all generations. God would never demand the sacrifice of a child to violence within the home.  God would never demand the sacrifice of a child to bullying and abuse at school. God would never demand the sacrifice of a child to exploitation and victimization in church. God sees and stands with victims. God longs to stay the hand of abusers.

The Binding of Isaac isn’t just a story for abusers and those who have experienced abuse. It is a story for all of us. Friends, family, and other trusted adults can help end cycles of abuse by developing nurturing, supportive relationships with the children in our lives. Volunteering as a Sunday School teacher or Youth Group helper, mentoring a confirmation student, tutoring a kid who needs homework help, working for the school system on playground duty, or helping out at the Saranac Lake Youth Center, these are all ways to forge nurturing, supportive relationships with the children in our lives and provide safe space where children feel secure and emotionally supported.

We can also come alongside parents who are at-risk for abusive behavior. Be a caring and supportive friend. Consider helping with childcare or household tasks when you see that someone is overwhelmed, stressed out, and needs a break. Employers can embrace workplace policies that help families, such as livable wages, paid leave, and flexible, consistent schedules. We know that families who can meet their basic needs for food, clothing, housing, and transportation, and who can access essential services like childcare, healthcare, and mental health services, are better able to ensure their children’s safety and well-being. That’s why we need to advocate for helping organizations like the food pantry and the Youth Center. That’s why we need to ensure that schools are well-funded and well-staffed and programs like Head Start are available in our community. That’s why we must insist that affordable healthcare is possible for all families.

God, long ago, said, “No!” to child abuse. This morning, we are called to join our, “No!” to God’s, “No!” Ensuring the well-being of children is a holy responsibility. May we go forth to forge a community where all children are seen as a blessing and every home is free from violence and abuse.

Resources

Amanda Benckhuysen. “Commentary on Genesis 22:1-14” in Preaching This Week, June 28, 2020. Accessed online at

Jon Douglas Levensen. The Death and Resurrection of the Beloved Son: the Transformation of Child Sacrifice in Judaism and Christianity.  Binghamton, NY:Vail-Ballou Press, 1993.

Christopher Bergland. “Breaking the Cycle of Childhood Abuse” in Psychology Today, May 1, 2021. Accessed online at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/202105/breaking-the-cycle-of-childhood-abuse

The National Children’s Alliance. “National Statistics on Child Abuse” https://www.nationalchildrensalliance.org/media-room/national-statistics-on-child-abuse/

Janet Heimlich. “What is religious child maltreatment?” Child-Friendly Faith Project. https://childfriendlyfaith.org/what-is-religious-child-maltreatment/

Laila Kearney. “New York Teen Dies after Hours-long Beating at church” in Reuters, October 14, 2015. https://www.reuters.com/article/world/uk/new-york-teen-dies-after-hours-long-beating-at-church-idUSKCN0S82N9/

CDC. “Preventing Child Abuse and Neglect,” May 16, 2024. https://www.cdc.gov/child-abuse-neglect/prevention/index.html

Genesis 22:1-14

22 After these things God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” 2 He said, “Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains that I shall show you.” 3 So Abraham rose early in the morning, saddled his donkey, and took two of his young men with him and his son Isaac; he cut the wood for the burnt offering and set out and went to the place in the distance that God had shown him. 4 On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place far away. 5 Then Abraham said to his young men, “Stay here with the donkey; the boy and I will go over there; we will worship, and then we will come back to you.” 6 Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering and laid it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. And the two of them walked on together. 7 Isaac said to his father Abraham, “Father!” And he said, “Here I am, my son.” He said, “The fire and the wood are here, but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?” 8 Abraham said, “God himself will provide the lamb for a burnt offering, my son.” And the two of them walked on together.

9 When they came to the place that God had shown him, Abraham built an altar there and laid the wood in order. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar on top of the wood. 10 Then Abraham reached out his hand and took the knife to kill his son. 11 But the angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, “Abraham, Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” 12 He said, “Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him, for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me.” 13 And Abraham looked up and saw a ram, caught in a thicket by its horns. Abraham went and took the ram and offered it up as a burnt offering instead of his son. 14 So Abraham called that place “The Lord will provide,” as it is said to this day, “On the mount of the Lord it shall be provided.

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The Gift

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Poem for a Tuesday — “The Gift” by Li-Young Lee

To pull the metal splinter from my palm

my father recited a story in a low voice.

I watched his lovely face and not the blade.

Before the story ended, he’d removed

the iron sliver I thought I’d die from.

I can’t remember the tale,

but hear his voice still, a well

of dark water, a prayer.

And I recall his hands,

two measures of tenderness

he laid against my face,

the flames of discipline

he raised above my head.

Had you entered that afternoon

you would have thought you saw a man

planting something in a boy’s palm,

a silver tear, a tiny flame.

Had you followed that boy

you would have arrived here,

where I bend over my wife’s right hand.

Look how I shave her thumbnail down

so carefully she feels no pain.

Watch as I lift the splinter out.

I was seven when my father

took my hand like this,

and I did not hold that shard

between my fingers and think,

Metal that will bury me,

christen it Little Assassin,

Ore Going Deep for My Heart.

And I did not lift up my wound and cry,

Death visited here!

I did what a child does

when he’s given something to keep.

I kissed my father.

in Rose: Poems by Li-Young Lee. New York: BOA Editions, Ltd., 1986.

Li-Young Lee is a poet, essayist and memoirist. His work is marked by the spare elegance of traditional Chinese poets and the mystical edge of Eliot, Keats, and Rilke. He thoughtfully and sensitively explores themes of family, spirituality, and belonging. Lee’s family fled political persecution in China and Indonesia before emigrating to the United States, where his father attended seminary and became a Presbyterian minister. As a student at the University of Pittsburgh, Lee began writing poetry and discovered his life’s work. He received the American Book Award for his lyrical memoir The Wingéd Seed: A Remembrance. In an interview with Tina Chang of the American Academy of Poets, Lee reflected, “If you rigorously dissect it, you realize that everything is a shape of the totality of causes. What’s another name for the totality of causes? The Cosmos. So, everything is a shape of Cosmos or God. It feels like something bigger than me—that I can’t possibly fathom but am embedded in.”

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My Beloved

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Sabbath Day Thoughts — “My Beloved” Matthew 3:13-17

Researchers have found that the most important thing we can do to have healthy, happy, caring children is to love them.  Brain scans conducted over time at Washington University in St. Louis indicate that children with loving and supportive parents experience greater growth in the hippocampus.  That’s the region deep within the brain that is essential for memory, learning, and handling stress, all crucial factors in creating adaptive, resourceful human beings. 

Parental love is also critical for the development of self-esteem. Richard Filson and Mary Zielinski conducted landmark research in the 1980s at the University of Albany.  They learned that the most significant factor in a child’s development of healthy self-esteem is parental love and support.  Regardless of the child’s ability or aptitude, encouragement, attention, and constancy of love equipped children with a sense of competence and resilience.

Love is good for the health of our children.  Researchers at UCLA have found that children who experience low levels of love and affection, especially those who are abused, are at significant health risk, not only throughout childhood but also later in life.  Children who feel at-risk and little loved are exposed to toxic levels of stress that can affect every system in the body. Adults who emerge from an unloving nest are at increased risk for heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and mental illness.

Dr. Barbara Frederickson of UNC Chapel Hill has determined that the experience of a loving childhood makes us better people.  Love enhances the social awareness of our children and their feelings of connection to others.  Well-loved children are more likely to have healthy relationships and feelings of oneness with others.  Children who have early loving relationships with their parents grow up to be more compassionate adults, better able to share love, empathy, and caring with those around them.

The social and scientific evidence is clear, children thrive on love.  They need our attention and praise.  They need our encouragement and kindness.  They need our willingness to engage, teach, and support. Our capacity to love our children makes a huge difference in every aspect of their lives.  When you consider the implications, our nurture and care have a powerful impact not only upon the child, but also upon our world.

In our gospel lesson today, we hear the voice of God, calling from the heavens as Jesus emerges from the waters of his baptism.  God sounds a lot like a good parent, doing all those things that it has taken researchers 2,000 years, countless hours of observation, and plenty of brain scans to figure out.  God says, “This is my Son, the Beloved. I take delight in him.” 

That theophany is a holy affirmation that Jesus belongs to God—God’s child, specially loved, a source of joy, deserving of praise.  As Jesus was baptized in the muddy Jordan, he hadn’t even begun his ministry.  Not one sermon had been preached.  Not one miracle had been worked—no lepers or paralytics healed, no demons cast out or blind eyes opened.  Jesus had not changed the water into wine, walked on water, stilled the storm, or multiplied the loaves and fish.  All that ministry and mission would lie ahead of him. 

Truly, in the eyes of the first century world, Jesus hadn’t done a darned thing to deserve God’s love.  On the banks of the Jordan stood a poor pious carpenter from a backwater town in Galilee.  But apparently Jesus didn’t have to do anything to earn God’s love.  God’s limitless and overflowing love was simply there in abundance, sailing down from the heavens, calling over the waters.  I like to think that as Jesus basked in that holy love, he found that he was filled with love, and he longed for his neighbors to also know their belovedness.

If, as all four gospels suggest, Jesus’ baptism is the point of departure from which his ministry would spring, then the most important faith lesson that we can ever learn is that we are loved.  Yet we live in a world where many of us are estranged from the belovedness that all the researchers say we need to thrive, grow, and be whole.

We may come from families where our parents were too stressed out, worn out, or down and out to share the sort of open and abundant love that researchers believe we need as children.  In our experience, love may be conditional, dependent upon the neatness of our room, the grades on our report card, or how well we perform on the athletic field.  Our love and trust may have been ill-used by a hyper-critical parent, or a significant other who has broken our heart, or a best friend who betrayed our confidence.  We may feel little love from our peers in a society where the measure of our worth isn’t determined by how God sees us, but by the size of our paycheck, the car we drive, or the title we bear.  Sometimes, we feel unloved because we haven’t been very loving ourselves, and we can’t imagine that others would still love us.  We’ve hurt others, sinned, or rejected God’s love for us. 

Life and personal experience wear us down, leaving us alienated and estranged, forgetful that we are beloved.  We fail to understand that God’s love is always there for us.  In our baptisms, God whispers to each of us, “You are my beloved child.  I take delight in you.”

The love of God that surrounded Jesus at his baptism was the great and driving force of his ministry. Jesus was all about love. He taught his friends to, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength; and love your neighbor as yourself.”  On the night of his arrest, Jesus instructed his disciples that they must love one another as he had loved them.  Jesus reached out to the world, his every act a miracle of love.  He dared to love those who were little loved: the sinner, the outcast, the Samaritan, the Roman slave, the uppity women.  You might even say that Jesus poured himself out in love, God’s holy love shining through him to heal and redeem our broken world.  Truly, the beloved son gave his life, so that we might know that God loves us enough to die for us. God’s love is always there for us in abundance, sailing down from the heavens, calling over the waters of our own baptisms, living and breathing in Jesus Christ. Thanks be to God.

If we page ahead to the end of Matthew’s gospel, we hear the risen Lord giving a final great commandment to his friends, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”  The theologians and masters of church doctrine like to debate what Jesus really meant with his imperative for Christians to go out there and baptize.  They teach that in baptism we are cleansed of our sins, grafted into the body of Christ, and sealed with the Holy Spirit. Those are good things to know.

But as your local theologian on this Baptism of the Lord Sunday, I believe it could be a whole lot simpler. 

I like to think that the Lord’s great commandment to go forth and baptize was all about love. In this world where too many people know too little love, Jesus wanted folks to know the immeasurable love of God that he experienced as he stood in the waters of the River Jordan and heard that holy voice, claiming, affirming, and loving him.  Jesus longed for the world to know God’s love, for the world to know his love. If they followed his great commission, then the disciples could be a little like spiritual parents, going forth to make that much-needed holy love known to a world hungry for it. The Lord envisioned baptism, like an unstoppable tide of love, sweeping over our world, from 1st century Palestine, across the Roman Empire, and down through the centuries to this day. 

On this baptism of the Lord Sunday, allow me to act in loco parentis.  May we hear the holy words that we all need to have healthy brains and bodies, sound self-esteem, and caring relationships.  This is God’s promise for you, “You are my beloved child. I take delight in you.”

Resources:

Karyn Wiseman. “Commentary on Matthew 3:13-17” in Preaching This Week, Jan. 12, 2014. Accessed online at workingpreacher.org.

Warren Carter. “Commentary on Matthew 3:13-17” in Preaching This Week, Jan. 8, 2017. Accessed online at workingpreacher.org.

Stephanie Crowder. “Commentary on Matthew 3:13-17” in Preaching This Week, Jan. 12, 2020. Accessed online at workingpreacher.org.

Jim Dryden. “Mom’s Love Good for Child’s Brain” in The Source, Washington University in St. Louis. Jan. 30, 2012. Accessed online at https://source.wustl.edu.

Ronald B. Filson and Mary Zielinski. “Children’s Self-Esteem and Parental Support” in the Journal of Marriage and Family, vol. 51, no. 3. August 1989, pp. 727-735. Accessed online at www.jstor.org.

Enrique Rivero. “Lack of Parental Warmth, Abuse in Childhood Linked to Multiple Health Risks in Adulthood” in UCLA Newsroom, Sept. 30, 2013. Accessed online at https://newsroomucla.edu.

Maryam Abdullah. “With Kids, Love Is in the Little Things” in Greater Good Magazine: Science-based Insights for a Meaningful Life. June 18, 2019. Accessed online at greatergood.berkeley.edu.

Matthew 3:13-17

13Then Jesus came from Galilee to John at the Jordan, to be baptized by him. 14John would have prevented him, saying, “I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?” 15But Jesus answered him, “Let it be so now; for it is proper for us in this way to fulfill all righteousness.” Then he consented. 16And when Jesus had been baptized, just as he came up from the water, suddenly the heavens were opened to him and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. 17And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, the Beloved, with whom I am well pleased.”

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